Posts Tagged ‘what to expect when you’re expecting for men’

Pregnancy Pics
I tweeted this picture yesterday saying that Tara and I were “using this theme in our pregnancy pictures” to which I was prompty told they’re called maternity shots. I will still refer to them as pregnancy pictures because I’m stubborn and refuse to admit I may have been wrong.

Soon after your wife recovers from spewing up everything that was once edible, she’ll start researching everything she can about the baby.

EVERYTHING.

The baby’s progress, maternity clothes, diapers, how to tie your shoes when your pregnant belly is in the way, pregnancy hormones – you name it, she’ll look it up. It’s your job to listen to her if she has fears or wants your opinion. Even if this is extremely boring to you, make a point to learn along with her. After all, you’ll need this info too and she probably doesn’t give two poops about your interest in (insert whatever it is you’re obsessed with here) that you’re always telling her about.

What you’ll quickly learn is this: there are clubs of mothers who will try to make your wife feel inferior.

The first one you’ll see is the moms who swear by the natural birth. There’s nothing wrong with this, and maybe your wife is in this club, but don’t make her feel like she has to participate here. Come on, would you listen to her if she suggested the dentist rip your teeth out with pliers and no numbing relief? I’m going with no.

No way that’s a club I would want to be a part of. Maybe there’s a tough guy mentality in some gals – there has to be a reason a woman would put herself through that pain. Regardless, whatever your wife decides, stick with her. But if she asks for the drugs, you better chase down that doctor and get her those freakin’ drugs.

The second club is the nursing club. As with any topic, there are supporters and haters. I once overheard a woman talking about how it’s extremely selfish of a couple to either have no children or only have 1 child. She went on and on, bashing these parents and saying that God wanted women to have a household full of babies. I really wanted to ask her what God thought about families who couldn’t have any kids or could only afford to adopt 1 child, but I bit my tongue. What a horrible thing to tell someone.

Back to the nursing group. The other day Tara was reading a blog and there was a picture of a women feeding her baby with a bottle. The blog didn’t have anything to do with feeding a child, it was about a night light, but one of the comments said “I nearly pitched a hissy fit when i saw that bottle in the photo…until i realized it was the advertisement for the light. so glad you’re nursing…breast is BEST!”.

It’s hard for me to think “mind your own business lady”, since the blogger was writing about her favorite things, but geez ladies, let’s chill out a bit on the whole forcing-others-to-do-what-we-do thing. Dudes, you and your lady friend can decide what’s best for you and your child. People will give you advice or tell you what you should do, but as with anything, you have to decide what’s best for you. Figure these things out together after you research them.

The last group is the “just don’t be like that girl” group. Guys, we may not care to know about natural births or nursing, but we all know someone from this group. These are the people that have heard stories about (but rarely have seen firsthand) some mother who didn’t spank their child in church when they should have. Or the woman whose kids won’t eat vegetables and the mother doesn’t make them eat them either. What an abomination!!

Fellas, your baby’s momma will have all kinds of pressure on her. She’ll also have more hormones running through her than a… well, whatever has a ton of hormones running through it – she beats it! The pressure can mount for your gal and cause her to break – but she won’t break in front of anyone, just you. All your wife will be thinking about is how those crazy “just don’t be like that girl” chatterers will be talking about her once the baby arrives. Even though we may not care what this crazy group says about us, it’s up to you to calm preggo’s fears before she rips everyone’s head off (yours included).

It’s your turn to speak. Did you deal with these groups? If so, how did you do?

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Tara and I are 18ish weeks into this pregnancy thing. Every single day we laugh about something that we’re (mostly she’s) experiencing. So, I’m going to put together a few short posts of advice for expecting dads.

Up first, Part 1: If It Doesn’t Make Her Hungry, It’ll Make Her Throw Up. Trust me here.

Baby Stepp

One of these days you’ll look at a computer monitor and see your own little Charlie Brown like we did a few weeks ago. It’s a feeling that is unexplainable and you won’t be able to wait to scream your news to the entire world.

Shortly after though, your baby’s momma will start puking like a youth group kid who’s just tried the gallon challenge. At the same time, she’ll be requesting a strange array of foods that would make normal people go into immediate hurling. Like Chickfila nuggets and a banana pudding milkshake. Or watching TV as I type this and drooling over the macaroni and cheese commercial.

Vomiting: Tara was so sick through the first 12 weeks that she was given several different medicines. Luckily, one of them worked, but there were days where she was yacking 5 or 6 times. So much hurling, in fact, that I can now continue to eat dinner while she gets violently sick. Or talk on the phone. Or really anything normal.

Tara is the type of puker that just wants to be left alone. Don’t go near her, don’t offer a glass of water – just leave her be. Remember that it doesn’t matter how YOU want to be treated when you hurl, do what makes her comfortable. If your wife wants you to juggle the TV remotes with your feet while whistling ‘Single Ladies’, by God, make it happen. She’s making a baby, the least you can do is, well…whatever it is that she wants.

Hunger: Logically, when a person is sick they avoid food. To a sick person, food equals hurling (or, for you mathletes, sp+f=h). To an expecting mother food equals not hurling (or sp+f≠h). In one instance, Tara needed food so bad that she pointed directly to a Taco Bell and screamed, “BURRITO!”, which isn’t exactly strange for our household, but once we got to the drive through speaker she started hurling into the bag we’d picked up only a few hours earlier from a different Taco Bell. When the person taking your order finally repeats “1 bean burrito, no onions,” and then charms you with, “anything else?”, politely decline. Trust me.

Now, obviously your baby’s momma is making another little person inside of her – she’s going to be hungry. Full on hungry. The type of hungry where she fixes dinner for the two of you and then she eats her meal and yours. Some guys will pack on the sympathy weight, I certainly put on a few pounds right at the start, but just wait, dudes. That bag of Ruffles you had your eye on in the pantry, the neapolitan ice cream you love, the gallon jug of sweet tea you crave after work – she’ll be putting them all together in the blender for a Ruffeapolisweetea shake. At this point, the hurling may swing from her over to you.

In all seriousness, this first few months doesn’t sound fun but it really is. You’ll hear your baby’s heartbeat, see it’s little arms and legs and already be in love. Your wife may have mixed feelings about this little monster that’s causing her to gain weight and give her what looks like a beer belly. Don’t blame her for that – we’ve got it easy over there just keeping the house clean, doing the laundry, the dishes and being on call for her 24 hours a day.

Now, I’m no expert (except at random sports trivia, but that’s neither here nor there). If you have any thoughts or suggestions for soon-to-be dads, offer it up!